Thursday, July 07, 2005

Wanna Go for a Walk?

What if I called you early one saturday and asked you if you wanted to head out to the park for an early morning stroll? And then said that you had to wear an outfit that screams queer eye for the straight guy? And then I said you had to lug around a buncha iron sticks in 90 degree heat? And then I said you would probably spend most of the day angry at the world? And to top it all off, I said that I am going to have to charge you 50 bucks to do so?? SOUND LIKE FUN???

yeah, didn't think so. And who would rather do this than hit the diamond and play some baseball, or play some football?

Apparently a lot of crazy people do.

Yeah, thats right, I'm speaking of golf. You're all a buncha sissies. I'm even gonna go as far to say that golf isn't a sport. It's just a buncha guys walkin around in goofy outfits hitting an egg-sized ball into high grass, then acting like a 2 year old while they crawl around in the weeds, wishing they'd never left the house, cursing like a sailor, all because of a stupid white ball.

And I know you're response. I've heard it a million times. "PLaying golf if the hardest sport." or "Lets see you try to hit the ball straight." or "Golf takes a lot of skill to play."

Yeah? Well needlework and crochet take skill too. But you don't see me doin' it. Yeah, lets put together knitting leagues for the guyssaturday. That'd be a blast.


The only fun part of playing golf is getting the cart, and terrorizing the other fairies that play. Or taking it mudding out on the course. Now thats a blast.

Ever tried watching golf on tv? yeah, it's like watching a submarine race. Full of surprises.

I've played. and i'm bad at it. really bad. and so is almost all the population. But thats whats so sad.

People have actually put in the obscene amounts of time to actually get good at this sport. It's like dedicating your life to picking flowers.




kenny said...


Anonymous said...

this post is gospel.


Anonymous said...

Actually, crochet is not so difficult; it just takes a little bit of practice...and if you end up making little pieces, that's OK because there's lots of types of crochet -- not just one! :)

And yes, JJ, men do it too. In fact, there's a growing trend of men figuring out just how much fun it is. Let me know if you'd like more info.

Come, join us on the fiber side. LOL
CrochetWithDee, the Journal

Brown Sugar said...

my gosh jeremy...where did that ranting come know...i'm not a huge golf fan or anything...and it is boring to watch on TV...Baseball could be almost more boring on TV..but I love to play baseball...anyway..i have played golf once...and it is frustrating to have a crappy hit..or no hit...or losing a ball in the lake or weeds....but there is also something very relaxing...a good hit covers a multitude of bad hits...and the gotta love the green grass.....and the carts..great just gotta play it with the right's a good time to talk, goof around, just gotta play with the right people on a nice scramble or'll go faster that way.

BSC said...

I can understand why people don't like golf. It's a hell of a challenge.

I like it because
1) Good thing to do with all the guys to get out of the house on weekends. Load up some cold ones, light up some stogies, curse, belch, fart and just relax. If you play bad, who cares? Hit again.

2) It's the most difficult game I've ever played. It relies on muscle memory and judgement, two of the most difficult things to master.

3) Golf carts rule, but the best workout I usually get is walking a course, which equates to several miles if you play 18.

But that's just my opinion.

Anonymous said...

Now you've done it... gone and made mr. A mad.

Anonymous said...

I agree with you. I hate golf because they show it during football season. Instead of showing any college games, ABC and ESPN decide that golf somehow will get higher ratings than football.


The Future said...

Oh come on, Goomba! You don't get enough football coverage? Watching 8 games a week isn't enough for you? Besides, Golf season is the opposite of Football (for the most part).

Come on, Jerm!! There are soo many more "sports" to say aren't sports. Poker, anyone? Billiards? NASCAR? Please. Golf is tough. You're just don't have the attention span for it. And you don't have to wear queer clothes. Tiger practically wears under armor.

Golf is only fun if you put something into it.

And baseball is more boring on tv. I know. I've tried. At least on golf coverage the game is ALWAYS moving. There is always another person at another hole. In baseball we are subject to the pitcher grabbing himself and boring full counts. Just hit the ball already!! I love playing baseball, but watching it reeks. I just can't do it.

The Future said...

Check this:,2106,3339602a1823,00.html

Baseball, softball officially dropped from the Olympics in 2012. How ironic if golf took it's place?!?

Appropriate, IMO. Eat it.

BSC said...

I agree with Goomba. Less golf, more college football. Eight games a day is not enough!

jch said...

Jeremy, you are my hero. You took the challenge to write this post and exceeded expectations. Wow, I don't have much more to say other than this will go down in history!

It was good to see you the other day. Thanks for coming and hanging out.

Mr. A. said...

For most of us, no matter how much we love playing any other sport, we will never be able to experience anything approaching what a professional in that sport experiences. No matter how good you get throwing and hitting a baseball, you'll never walk onto the field at Yankee Stadium and face a Pedro Martinez curve ball. Golf, however, is different. No, we don't usually look or play anything like the pros. But, there are times when it happens and not even Tiger could do it any better. [I have watched much professional golf, both live and on TV, and one of the greatest shots I have ever seen was actually struck by none other than your very own Dad.] People like me have stood in the 8th fairway at Pebble Beach and hit a shot across that mighty chasm, with the ocean waves crashing on the boulders far below, and landed the ball on the tiny green 200 yards away [a target that would be difficult enough to hit with a rifle], just as Jack Nicklaus, Tom Watson, Arnold Palmer, and countless others have done over the years. Golf is, without question, the greatest game played by Man. For those who understand, no explanation is needed; for those who don't [or won't] understand, no explanation is possible.

The Future said...

Way to go, Mr. A!

Jeremy got owned!!!

tjmccloud said...

Im back and i agree. golf sucks- tiger is a yellow pansy and girls golf? how do you say... most boring sport made even more boring with Big-legged lesbians?

BSC said...

Yes, owned.