Sunday, July 31, 2005
Elvis…Some Barbecue…Did I mention Elvis?
So after months of…err…debate…I shelled out some cash for a greatly discounted flight on Northwest Airlines to drop in on my pals Kristi Cooke and Jenny Rich.
We had a good time…made a plan that I had to have barbecue every day I was there…which ended up being ribs every time (mmmm..ribs) caught a redbirds baseball game, toured the very nice town of Memphis (that was NOT sarcastic, by the way) and paid a visit to the craziest man in America.
We heard of a place called “Graceland Too”..or as I called it..”The Deuce” (that’s before I realized that it was “too” not “two.” Supposedly there was this guy about 30 minutes outside of town who devoted his house to nothing but elvis memorabilia, junk, pictures, newspaper, and …oh…..junk. But the great thing was that the website said that it was open 24-7.
Excuse Me? Who feels the need to take a tour of Elvis CRAP in the middle of the night?
Well…apparently we did. We thought we would test his little 24 hr theory. So me, Kristi, and her friend Courtney set out.
Its about 1am, we turn off onto a dark residential road, end up having to turn around because the house numbers aren’t going in the direction we wanted…turn back around, right past a homeless guy walking in our direction…then we run into a giant pink house surrounded in Christmas lights and barbed wire..
This must be the place.
“Ring the Bell” the sign on the door says.
We hear rustling from within, a gray haired man emerges, slightly overweight (I use that term loosely.) with his hair slicked back, elvis style. He hastens us inside, and before we can get a word in, he spouts off a list of celebs that have graced his humble abode. Then another knock, and 10 kids from ole miss show up…Thank God.
Next thing I know, he’s unlocking a door behind me, I didn’t even know there was a door there, where we found..you guessed it…CRAP…elvis records…stuff…I think he told us about it, but all I heard was that Coca Cola makes him horny. Moving on.
The next room had pics of a batman bike he made himself, a pic of a small child drinking a pool of blood…and some elvis memorabilia.
Oh, the child and the pool of blood?? Yeah, I think we asked about that…and I think he answered…I think.
Did I mention that his dentures were slipping out every time he spoke, making his words a jumbled mess, therefore I’m pretty sure I missed out on 90-95% of what he said.
We move on, where theres a shrine to elvis, tv’s on on my right, bruce lee and his nunchuks on my left along with a giant panda bear…all of a sudden I’m being asked to take a picture by the elvis shrine, where I’ve never been more uncomfortable in my life.
IS THIS A DREAM?
As with the rest of the house, every inch of the walls and ceilings are crowded with elvis pictures, trading cards, ANYTHING else you could possibly think of. On the bed in front of me sat a binder..which supposedly contained a reference for every time Elvis spoke or was spoken about on TV.
If I knew a publisher, I could be a millionaire, apparently.
“I’ll split the profits with ya.” He tells me…..
”uh huh.” Is all I could manage out of my mouth.
I have no idea what was in the next room…I didn’t actually stop to look, as I was herded out back, where a guy from the other group said “I’ve been here 5 times and I’ve never been in the back.”
For good reason.
In reference of the song “Jailhouse Rock, ” he had a sentry post, a fridge labeled “ammo,” lots of barbed wire, and an electric chair in the shed, which he constructed himself.
“Time to go” I think to myself.
We head inside, to the next room, which is a wall of pics of people who have visited…he says he can’t fit them all in the room. I believe him.
As we leave, a guy leans over to me and says “I think I saw this movie once…we don’t make it out alive.”
It’s 2:30am and we finally make it to the starting point, meaning the tour was over. We head out the house, down the steps and past the two Lion Statues that are guarding the outside.
I couldn’t make it back to the car soon enough.
If you’re still confused about what exactly when on in there….Yeah I’m not real sure either.
But I hear that on the 4th visit you become a lifetime member.