Saturday, August 20, 2005

Mall of Terror

Just get in and get out, I told myself.

I arrived in Sacramento earlier today, got into my room, and realized i needed to pick up some shower necessities.

Luckily, our hotel pretty much shares a parking lot with a mall. I just hoped this mall had some sort of drug store or something that would carry shampoo. and food sounded good too. La Salsa...if you ever happen to stop by california, I would recommend La salsa for some tasty mexican...for fast food standards.

So I strolled over to the mall, only to find myself weaving through cars that were looking for parking. I thought "Dang, this is a lot of traffic."

Then I realized it was Saturday. Shoot!!! the worst mall shopping day if your a guy like me and you like to avoid crowds. I had a feeling what I would be facing for the next 5 mins, or however long it would take me to sprint through the mall and get my business done, and GET OUT as soon as possible.

But what I witnessed was AWFUL, and..well..expected.

Pre-teens, teens, EVERYWHERE. I couldn't get away. I started spinning around trying to find my way through this maze. I think i heard noises. voices. giggling. gossip. A flash caught the corner of my eye, and I realized it was the reflection off some pre-teens braces. All I saw was halter tops and short jean skirts on 12 year old girls that left me lurching for the nearest trash can in an effort to find a place for my vomit. All I could think was "My daughter, that is when/if I have one, is never coming to the mall without me. ever. and after this trip, she'll be hard pressed to get me back."

Task at hand. Shampoo. I think i made the mall circle in about 3 mins, during which i passed my most hated store, abercrombie and fitch, only to see some guy standing in the doorway with his shirt off...i ran like the wind.

To no avail, there was not a single store that sold shampoo, but it hardly mattered now. I just yearned for the safety of my hotel room. But La Salsa couldn't wait.

Apparently so could I. I ordered and standed in line for what seemed like an hour, while streams of tube tops, mini skirts, and abercrombie passed by. I could see the superficiality dripping off every single one of them as each used mommy's credit card to purchase overpriced items just to support they're california lifestyle. (this is a seperate post altogether.)

My Burrito finally came out, number 37, and I headed straight for the exit. I wish I had blinders on like those horses in parades.

Needless to say, I hate malls. It's almost as bad as trying to go to the movies on a friday night, or, as I like to call it, Pre-teen night. Theres just too many bratty kids running around with absolutely nothing better to do. And for heaven's sakes put some clothes on! Not to mention theres not a whole lot of stores in there I really care about. Put in a Best Buy and we've got something going. But as it is now, I can get through the mall in 15 minutes...taking my time to look at everything that interests me. If I am in desperate need and actually have to go to the mall, just get in and get out...just get in..and get out.

-JJ

7 comments:

teresefaye said...

well well... glad to hear your adventure in my home state was enjoyable... (haha) You'll have to come see me! I'll show you the better side of socal at least.

BSC said...

You'll have to save the mall experiences for SLC Sundays. Members of the dominant religion are forbidden from doing anything not church or family related, so us heathens have a holiday. I pretty much had an entire mall to myself a couple weeks ago.

tjmccloud said...

one of my favorite talk show hosts calls them
"Prosti-tots". I thought that was cute. i hate malls too, JJ.

The Future said...

I agree. It's a sad thing, but not unlike what happened 20 years ago. Teens still go to malls, they just wear a little less.

Kinda like parents who just leave their kids in front of the tv all day, malls are a way parents can get away. Some don't care what their kids do, as long as they stay away! It's sad parenting, really.

Storm said...

I know school is the last thing on your mind, but my friend, you made it to the mall just in time for the last minute school shopping(teachers do make a sad attempt at enforcing those dress codes so it's one last huh rah...sad but true).....doesn't the hotel have shampoo??

Shea said...

I love how you tag this as a "California Lifestyle" and neglect the fact that it happens all over....

Sarah said...

Here in Austin TX we see clothes like that for my 3 year old girl. IF you think it's bad on a 12 year old, try imagining it on a baby. My daughter will not wear "hooch clothes," as I call them.

BTW, dropping in from Joe Hays' blog, where I lurk. Hope you are well and awesome pics your dad took!