Friday, November 25, 2005

You're free to put up the trees..and it better not be plastic

One at a time, folks, one at a time.

Poor thanksgiving. It's the red-headed stepchild of all holidays. What did it do to deserve getting stepped on and spat all over??? Theres a progression of holidays in the eyes of the people (beginning with July 4th) and it goes 4th of July, Halloween, Christmas. It was started by Marketing geniuses and you dumb people keep it going. Theres no money to be made on Thanksgiving, so we skip it.

And you nitwits keep the tradition alive by putting up your dad-gum christmas trees before thanksgiving even arrives!!! You know what that means?

Good job. Way to go. Your selfish and your superficial. Bottom line. You'd rather get to the giving and taking of PRESENTS and material things than to sit down and really appreciate what you already have. It's true!

If you're not American, does that mean that you can go ahead and skip Thanksgiving and not feel bad about it?? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! ahem...DEBBIE!!!!! AND JOSUE!!! Just because you're Malaysian and Mexican, respectively, doesn't mean that you can't sit down and realize how blessed you are!! Sure it started American, but you're the one that moved here.

Dont get my wrong. Christmas is my favorite holiday by far, but lets just keep things in perspective here. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Holidays are celebrated for a reason, so let's honor that reason.

And lets talk about trees, shall we? Unless you're severely allergic to sap, GET A REAL TREE. Don't be a sissy and buy that plastic mess at the store. Go be a man and cut it down yourself. It's good for you. Plus its one of the best family traditions you could have, going out to the farm to get a tree. You don't even have to go to the farm! I found a real tree last year in New York City! So no excuses.

How crappy would it be if the tree in Rockefeller center were fake? We could even put that fake white frosting/snow/icing on it! Yes!

Don't be crappy.

According to Webster, another word for fake is SHAM. yeah, thats right, if you have a fake tree YOU'RE A SHAM! We should have to put in those holding wooden things where your head pokes out in the public square so all the REAL tree owners can throw Grandma's left over dressing at you that nobody ate because we were too busy shopping for Christmas gifts.



Lance said...

Amen brother! Preach it! We've been getting real trees for my entire life. You will never regret one minute of it! The awesome!

The Juice said...

ahhh. how could i forget the smell!!??? Just yesterday, for reasons unknown to me, the middle section of our plane smelled like a christmas tree. I just wanted to get everybody some hot cocoa, sit right there with them and sing "Oh Holy Night." Christmas at its best.

kenny said...

You've sure got a lot of pent-up agression there JJ...

Anonymous said...

We bought our Christmas tree today. It's on the back porch soaking in water (yes it's real). When do you think you can drop by and help us decorate it?
Mom and Dad

Timmy said...

Hey Jeremy, I agree wholeheartedly with respectfully honoring Thanksgiving (time to give thanks to all your friends and fam) and having a tradition of bringing in a REAL Christmas tree (lets not forget the joyful holiday smell of a real tree).

Although one thing:
"Sure it started American, but you're the one that moved here."

While a lot of contemporary Christmas traditions are from American culture (i.e., Coca-Cola marketing guru's decided Santa was best in red-and-white garb to help increase Coke sales through the winter months), the Christmas tree actually has origins with early Germanic pagan cultures.

What do you think of the city of Chicago and Boston now calling their "Christmas trees" simply a "Holiday tree"…?

I think its highly ironic that most of the people who are "offended" by America-Christian traditions are… well, Christian. Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Atheists… for the most part don't care. In my experience, its been extremist Christians who throw up their hands yelling about Christian traditions… LOL! I know a lot of CoC'ers will probably be familiar with the old adage that no day should be celebrated anymore than any other day… i.e., no holidays…! Ditto philosophy for most of the "controversy" for today's "Happy Holidays" politically correctness.

Cherese said...

Although real trees might be a tradition in your family..fake trees are a tradition in mine. Hasn't been a real tree in my house since I was two. My husband's family holds to the same tradition. In fact I am quite sure if we brought a real tree into our house, we would kill it. Sugar the cat would drink up all the water, and the tree would shrivel up and die. Hurrah for fake tree traditions! Although I do agree on one for fake frost. boo!!

The Future said...

Yo Timmy- he meant Thanksgiving was an american.

The Juice said...

yo timmy, i was trying to make an ethnocentric comment to get a rise out of debbie and josue.

3 hrs after my post I received a phone call from Debbie and the first thing she said was "YOU JERK!!" haha. job done.

cherese- Your tradition sucks.

Anonymous said...

Hello nephew,
I think I need to comment about the Christmas tree issue.
My daughters, your first cousins, were always after me to get a real tree. They grew up with a fake tree at the house. When Pam and I divorced, I still put up a fake tree. Our tradition has been for them to come over to my house the Friday after Thanksgiving and put out my Christmas decorations. And for years they continue to complain about Daddy’s fake tree. Well, about 4 years ago, I gave end and we went to the local Christmas tree farm. We found a tree, cut it and did the whole Walton’s Family Christmas thing.
When Christmas was over they came over to help me to take all the decorations down. The Pine needles were a pain in the butt. We spent a good three hours picking them out of the carpet, vacuuming the floor, picking more needles.
The next Christmas it was same mess. A lot of time I have been picking needles out of the carpet around Fourth of July. We did this for four years.
Last year Megan said, “Are we going to get a real tree again?”
Jenna said “let’s go and see what “Lowes” has in trees.”
We found a very pretty artificial tree. It already has lights on it. No hassles and its pretty.
We got it out last Friday and it looks great.
I paid $85.00 for it. And I expect it to last me for many years to come.
(They cost $40.00 + at the “real Christmas Tree Farm.) I feel like I’m getting a great deal.
So, when we get together at Christmas, I hope to show you my great “fake” tree.
Uncle Don

Timothy said...

Zach, actually the tradition of Thanksgiving has European ties as well…! LOL! It traces back to a viking holiday known as the Feast of Odin!

The Juice said...

Uncle Don- The Good things in life aren't always free, my friend. Sometimes they take a little work.

laura g said...

jj - while i was home this weekend, dad asked me to help put up the christmas lights on the outside of the house. as we got started we realized - we will be getting a new roof thanks to Rita between now and christmas, so we may wait to put up the lights until AFTER christmas has passed. that way, we even out the neighbors who decorated before thanksgiving.