Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Professional Peanut Tosser

Finally I've discovered my talent in life. I'm a heck of a peanut tosser.

I'm freakishly good. I don't know where my accuracy comes from, but when that sack of peanuts takes to the air, it always ends up in a place even better that I ever imagined.

I'm a peanut tosser. And by that I don't mean I just walk by and slap a bag of peanuts on your tray table. No. I told this lady that I was going to see how far down the plane I could go and still drop peanuts into her lap. I think I got 10 rows down the airplane, and flung it side-arm. The peanuts smacked into her chest and sunk down into her lap. BINGO.

Though I didn't dare try for 14 rows, for fear of smacking some slumbering elderly woman in the head.

But why won't I?? I'm HOT.

I once tossed one behind the back that landed directly on the magazine the lady was reading. "Dude, that was cool." was what the guy across the aisle said.

A few days later I tossed one from two rows back. It lodged itself between the guys thumb and the magazine he was holding. MONEY.

Just yesterday I was goofing with this couple when, as I walked by, I felt something hit me in the back. Assuming it was a bag of peanuts (I had hit him in the chest earlier), I ignored it, went to the back, and gathered a sack for the throwing. Acting like I never felt anything, I sat down 4 rows behind the culprits and opened the package. One by one I lobbed the individual peanuts towards their row. One after the other they flew, all landing in the poor girls hair. BULLSEYE. Each toss created a "AHHHH!!!" from my target.

Later they demanded another Jack and Coke, for my peanuts landed in the drink. I couldn't believe it.

On the other hand, why couldn't I?? When you're hot, your hot.

-JJ

3 comments:

kentbrantly said...

i can see the headline now...
"Peanut Tossing Flight Attendant Charged With Sexual Harassment After Hitting Woman in Chest"

Brown Sugar said...

you are money jeremy....you can toss me nuts any time.

laura g said...

i'm sure ted & nancy are proud of their little peanut tosser.